I’ve tried so hard not to leave before we’ve left. I’ve tried to stay present, to hold space, to really be with people in the way that has proved so integral to my practice. I’ve imagined how steadily, how sure-footedly I would navigate my last few weeks in Sausalito… how open-hearted and emotionally-available and excited I'd be to share my adventures. Oh, and the freedom! Ha. My imaginings proved far from reality.
Nevertheless, I am more ready to begin than I’ve ever been, for anything. I consider the grief I take with me; the deepest heartbreaks; each poorer, chipped version of myself; and the lesser anxieties—I’ve had to look them all in the eye just to be able to dream about taking on this project. At the moment, I enjoy thinking of each little blister on my ego as a teacher; I like to imagine each rising within me and thanking me for carrying it along, all this way. Thanking me for each snack of joy I’ll toss them over the next year, in Mexico, in Colombia, in Chile. We all deserve a break, and though I am tired, I am almost excited, and I am definitely ready.